Why is it that couple counseling works really well for some couples and enables them to move on to a happy future together, while other couples seem to only unravel even quicker while they are attending these sessions? When a marriage hits a rough spot some people see therapy as the way out. They somehow think talking is going to make it all better, especially when both people really do not want to get a divorce.
There is something that obviously makes all the difference in how successful this type of therapy is. What could it be?
You may assume that it is a difference in the type of problems that each couple has to overcome, but that is not the answer. Couples facing the most extreme issues can make it through counseling and find happiness together.
The difference is that couples who make it work figure out that it isn’t all about just talking out the problems. If you want to increase your chances of making your sessions really work, then consider 3 ways that seeing a therapist can really make a difference.
It all starts with your own attitude. If you go in defensive and ready to prove all your spouse’s thoughts and accusations wrong, then you are not really listening to what they have to say. Drop your guard and just really listen to what they are saying, not what it means about you personally.
Second, you have to be willing to bare your soul and really state what you believe. You have to be completely open and honest even if it may hurt your spouse. This is how the root issues get uncovered.
The third step involves a mutual effort. You have to get past blaming one another for everything and fighting over things that do not even matter. Get past the petty fights you have had over and over for the past years and get down to the root issues that are fueling all the fighting. Those will be what needs fixed.
So, being honest without blaming and listening to your partner as they reveal their truth in the same way is the biggest hurdle that couples who make this work have to overcome. The next hurdle is taking the things you hear and turning them into real action. Both of you have to take action to make things better, as that is what ultimate fixes the problems you uncover.
Working things out in couple counseling is ultimately not about the talking. It’s about taking the talking into your everyday life to make the deeper issues all better. This is ultimately what successful couples do to stay together.
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