What does the way you speak to your spouse have to do with your lingering marriage problems? If you are to a point of absolute misery in your marriage but want to work things out so you can stay together, the first thing you need to do is analyze how you are communicating with one another when it comes to discussing your relationship.
There is one big difference between many couples who work out their problems and move onto a happy future and those that end in ruin: excellent communication skills. If you think you already have this and it isn’t a problem, you are not alone. In fact, many people who come at their spouses all wrong and set up conflict often believe they have impeccable communication skills.
Maybe you are one of those people? If you have been wondering why your spouse shuts you out and just won’t let you into their real thoughts and emotions, chances are the way you are asking for that entrance is pushing them away rather than drawing them near.
The issue is likely the huge rush of raw emotion that lies just behind every conversation you have with your spouse. This is an unavoidable fact of marital tension, but you have to recognize its existence before you can move beyond it. If you want to get through to your spouse, you will need to adopt new methods of opening conversations.
To begin with, you must approach your spouse at a time they are most open to communications. For instance, it will not suit you well to come at them when they just got laid off from a job or had a rough conversation with someone else on the phone.
Second, make sure that you do not phrase things that point a finger or even slightly hint that you are upset or they have done something wrong. This will immediately put their guard up in expectation of a fight.
Finally, take the time prior to this meeting to figure out exactly what you want to say, or even write it down. Carefully phrase every single line so that you never state things that place blame. You want to just focus on yourself and your own feelings. Stating your love for them is another great move.
This is a way to open the door for deeper conversation so that you move beyond the blame and angry accusations and really start to fix your marriage problems before it is too late.
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