As today.s society grows more into Internet technology, social networking, and as the population booms many people are turning to dating sites as a resource. Most of them are normal enough people that are interested in finding someone special to spend time with. Another fraction of them are discarded lovers that have baggage which prevents them from easily finding a relationship in normal social settings. A growing fraction of them are perverts, psychos, losers, and people who have so many issues they couldn.t get a date if it jumped up and sat in their lap! Finding your way through the maze of personality types can be daunting at best.
Many people feel that the risks involved are primarily for women. The general consensus is that women need to be careful of predator types, or losers, and that Internet Dating is a risky place for women. In our studies, while this was true, we found there was a significantly higher risk to the men. Predatory men are usually pretty easy to discern. Control issues, creepy suggestions, moving too fast, on and on. There are a plethora of signs that some predatory man is stalking a woman on Facebook.com. However, there are a huge population of predatory women on the Internet Dating scene as well!
Now all you women out there don.t get the wrong idea, we.re not singling you out. We just want to point out that there are some factors involved in Internet Dating which tip the odds in the female favor. We.ll uncover those here, so keep reading.
After a 4 year investigation into the Internet Dating scene here are the major warning signs we have uncovered divided into gender specific categories. There are always exceptions to these rules, so use these as guidelines to make an informed decision rather than turning someone down on these criterion alone.
Things women should watch for if they want to use Internet Dating for more than just sex partners:
* A guy with his shirt off in his profile picture. This is almost always a clue that the man is body proud, interested in sex above all else, and usually has a very macho attitude to go with the picture.
* Men who don.t post more than 2 pictures. Something is wrong here, why would he not share a higher level of visual representation of his person and life if he were not interested in being forthright? Perhaps he is scarred, perhaps he is fat, perhaps _fill_in_the_blank. Any way you slice it, in these cases generally the women who went further with these types were in for a not so pleasant surprise!
* Men in their 30.s or older who post their status as single. If he.s in his mid 30.s and has a status of single rather than divorced, the chances are good that he.s either A. Lying and has a relationship/marriage. B. Undesirable, and there.s a really good reason he.s never married. C. He.s really selfish, and has a .use.m and lose.m. mentality.
* Mr. Vacation. Has lots of toys in his pictures, like boats, etc. Has lots of real estate. Lots of cars. Only some of which might actually be his. Chances are he.s trying to woo you with material things, and when he gets what he wants he.ll be on to the next one. If he really is wealthy, chances are you won.t find out until the last minute if he.s after a serious relationship.
Things men should watch for if they want to use Internet Dating for more than just sex partners:
* Another .pretty face.. This woman will have a large number of high quality photos in her profile which are ALL from the neck up. She.s probably got some serious weight issues. Not that this is a bad thing, but apparently it is affecting her psyche to the point that she feels she must conceal it from you. Not such a great thing. Many of these types are easily discerned because at least one of the photos of her face will be from some odd .looking down. angle. Again this reflects some underlying inferiority issues.
* The .torn angel.. This woman will have really close up face shots, bangs hiding her face, probably a hat, and will almost always have on too much makeup. In many cases dark eyeliner, and multiple layers of hair dye. This personality type has a propensity to be from an abusive background. Most likely early sexual abuse, and in many cases has a real .love/hate. viewpoint on relationships.
* Passive aggressive control freak. This type usually seems perfect, and asks lots of personal questions. Hard to spot in the dating scene considering you have to ask some personal questions to get to know each other. You will usually be able to spot these by the rapid fire questioning. Be sure that everything you say is cataloged for later use against you and your answering machine. Watch facial expressions during the questioning. If you get a poinient .tounge in cheek. look while you are answering, be aware she may be trying to memorize every fact, and there.s only a limited number of reasons that would be so important, very few of them are good.
* The OCD chic. Watch out for this one. Give yourself enough time to see if she.s obsessive guys. Unless you want to have a fling, only to turn around in a week and start getting messages on your answering machine that say .Answer the damned door! I know you are in there, cause I can see you!!.
Things that BOTH genders can do to protect themselves:
1. Never get TOO close, TOO fast. Avoid questions like .where do you work., and .where do you live.. Give non-specific answers to such questions, and if the other tries to pinpoint you on it. finally respond with .I don.t feel comfortable sharing that right now.. Don.t give out such information until after 6 months or more! Give the relationship a chance to turn sweet or sour. Don.t give a psycho information that might later be used to extort you such as name or address of employer, family members, or your own home address for that matter.
2. Meet in public places. NEVER take anyone to your house. If you feel you must have intimate time alone, then insist on a hotel/motel and let that person know you aren.t going to share your home address until you are certain you can trust them. If they cannot abide with that, set them free.
3. Go to http://www.grandcentral.com/ and get a forwarded phone number, and forward email box. NEVER ever give out your true email or phone number to an Internet dating prospect. If after 6 months things are still good, then you should consider giving the true information. Remember, most seemingly good relationships can turn REALLY bitter about 3-6 months in, and that.s when the devices come out.
4. Do not go to someone else.s home. Not a friend of theirs, not their place, no residential areas. Stick to movie theaters, bars, social settings. Its hard to corner you if you are in public.
5. Avoid letting anyone see your vehicle on the first meeting. Take a cab, have someone drop you off a block or two away, whatever you can do to prevent the person from seeing your vehicle. Resources like http://www.recordsarea.com can be used to obtain information about you using your license plate, up to and including your home address, records, etc.
6. Background check the prospect. Use http://www.recordsarea.com or similar to check them out. If they don.t show up on there, or if they appear squeaky clean, or too many records are obtained, simply bide your time until you have an ACCURATE first and last name.
7. Watch out for decoys. Recently sites such as http://www.mate1.com have been dragged into court over using decoys. The way mate1 was caught was men were getting email from beautiful women just minutes after they had signed up, or would get email notifications just minutes or hours after canceling their membership. These women had NO intention of connecting with them, and were only emailing them sweet nothings to keep them paying their membership. Stoking hope in otherwise hopeless men to get their money. BS marketing at it.s finest!
8. Beware of sites that do not have up to date information. Nothing can be as disappointing as sending romantic email to the profile inbox of a person who has not been on the site for almost a year. If the site doesn.t offer a free trial, or limited time reduced trial period, don.t use them.
9. The first time you meet the prospect, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS request to see a valid identification card. If the person is genuine, they will agree with you that Internet Dating is risky business, and will have no problem ponying up the card.
10. Never trust new prospects with valuables, personal information, or anything related to security, such as combinations, gate codes, keys, etc. Don.t even leave them in the room unattended with such things. It is a sad day if you leave someone unattended around your keys, and they take one.
11. Remember that so called .compatability checks. are only going to work if they answer truthfully. Short of a professional polygrapher, only time will tell. Don.t think that because a site quizzed someone that it got correct information. Remember that most good liars are also crafty ones, and a relationship quiz is a no brainer for people like that. How can you expect them to answer the quiz honestly if they will lie to your face?
We.ve checked out a lot of Internet Dating, and so far, this seems like the way to go. Best features, best response times to support requests, and best overall consideration and empathy for their customer base. Hands down if we recommend a site it is Match.com
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