It doesn’t really matter how far gone you suspect your marital relationship may be right now. If you have the desire to try and rekindle the emotion and spark that was once there, then it is time to reconsider the way in which you communicate with your spouse. The fastest way to fix marriage problems is to change the dialogue that is exchanged between the two people.
The biggest differential between couples that are able to salvage a difficult marriage and those that end up in divorce often comes down to communication. While every couple believes they are communicating in an open and honest manner, they are in fact coming at one another in a very defensive, accusatory manner which puts the other up in arms instead of at ease.
It is highly likely that you are doing this without knowing it. Something as simple as the tone of your voice or the exact words chosen to express a feeling can shut down the line of communication before it actually opens.
The issue is likely the huge rush of raw emotion that lies just behind every conversation you have with your spouse. This is an unavoidable fact of marital tension, but you have to recognize its existence before you can move beyond it. If you want to get through to your spouse, you will need to adopt new methods of opening conversations.
For starters, the time that you pick to talk with your spouse should always be when they are in a good mood and relaxed. So, you don’t want to come at them the second they come home from being fired at their job or just seconds after they hang up the phone from a tense work related conversation.
Second, make sure that you do not phrase things that point a finger or even slightly hint that you are upset or they have done something wrong. This will immediately put their guard up in expectation of a fight.
Finally, write down what you want to say ahead of time and carefully select every single word so that you do not state things in an accusatory way. Say whatever you want to say but make it about your feelings, thoughts, desires, and needs. If you can state how much you still love them it may help as well.
This is not a definite way to fix all of your marriage problems overnight, but it can in fact set a new tone for the way you communicate with one another so that future conversations are more healing and less conflicted.
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