If you want to blow some life back into the embers of an old flame, understand that sometimes the tinder is damp, and the ember is barely there. Even if you’ve reached a point where you’re constantly thinking about what you could’ve done better on the old relationship, that’s no guarantee that you can re-spark things.
Maybe you thought the grass was greener. Maybe there was a litany of things you did wrong, or they did wrong, that drove you apart. Maybe you just miss a time you’ve idealized in your memory, putting gold pixie dust on cherished memories. If you want to move past the pixie dust and self delusion, follow these tips.
First, make sure that there is nothing in your life right now that may missing out on. The mistake you may have made in the past was that you didnt take advantage of the opportunities that you had at that moment. Make sure that you dont make the same mistake again by missing out on something potentially good.
If you don’t want to spend your life looking backwards at your old choices, make a conscious effort to look at the life and the love you have now. It’s better to love who you’re with and make that work than to live a life of regret over a sequence of lost loves given up to short sighted goals.
It’s also worthwhile to ask if they’ve moved on. Quite honestly, time wounds all heels, and heals all wounds. Just because you’re not happy with your present partner and are longing for what you gave up doesn’t mean they’re feeling the same way about you. Trying to re-open a dormant relationship could hurt both of you.
Look to see if they’re content. If they are, let them go and let them be. It’s not an easy decision to make, but it’s the right one for everyone involved.
Everyone changes over time. You changed. They’ve changed. Events may well have made you entirely different people. The circumstances that your old relationship had don’t exist any more. If you’re going to make the second go around, focus not on the past, but on the future you want to build together.
If, after all of these cautions, you still go into this…go slowly. They aren’t expecting you to appear back in their life. They aren’t expecting you to try and take up your old position in their life. No matter how much you want that old position, be careful.
Take your time and dont let them know how badly you want them back, at least not for a while. Take the time to get to know them again and for them to get to know you.
As with any relationship, look forward. Forgive the past, learn from the past, and let it lie on its own. What matters is proving that the future you can have together is worth pursuing.
Last time around, you missed out because one or both of you failed to take advantage of opportunities. Move past that. Don’t try to recreate the past, all you’ll do is recreate the errors, only magnified. Live in the present and work on the future.
You must log in to post a comment.