All words inside {} should be in italics..
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Debbie sat at her desk, listening to her teacher giving a speech on saving the planet. His voice droned on and on.
{Outside the classroom, the sun shone brightly, its rays seeped through the glass. Debbie suppressed a small yawn, as the warmth from the sun made her sleepy. She leant forward on the desk and folded her arms, her head resting on them as her eyes suddenly felt heavy. She took a deep breath and relaxed; her green eyes began to close as strands of brown hair fell down covering them. The sound of the teacher faded away.
Music played, its bass thumping as she strutted her stuff on the dance floor. Unfamiliar faces watched her as she swayed to the beat. Lights flashed at the club's entrance, which caught her attention. Paparazzi. She realised then he had come.
The women literally fell at his feet, as they called out his name.
Debbie stopped dancing; bit her lip as she dared to look over to where he was. Finding him amongst the crowd, she looked him up and down, her mouth open. Joey looked as good in the flesh as in her posters. Did she really think he wouldn’t. No was the answer.
Catching her eye, he glided towards her, a smile spread across his lips. He had promised her he would come and now here he was. Almost within in her reach. She heard her name, but his lips were not moving. Who was calling out her name?}
“Debbie. Debbie,” a voice called her name.
On hearing her name being repeatedly called, Debbie slowly opened her eyes. Squinting as the bright light replaced the darkness. She blinked three times before opening them wide, to take in her surroundings.
For a minute, Debbie believed she was still dreaming. A dream she had once before where she was at school, in her underwear. Shaking her head, the classroom came into focus. Debbie could have sworn she was in her bed at home. She prayed no one else had seen her. Of course, the owner of the voice was Wendy, her best friend. Doing what a best friend should, looking out for her. The girls had been best friends for years, now both fourteen, they were inseparable.
Debbie turned to face her, wiped away the small amount of saliva, which escaped while she dozed. “Thanks,” she stammered as she sat up in the chair and straightened her uniform, nodding to Wendy.
It did not bear thinking about what she would do without her. She straightened her tie which had become loose as she napped. She hated the tie, having to wear it no matter the weather. It was part of the uniform all the girls loathed, along with the grey skirt/trousers, white blouse and the red jumper. Bright red.
Luckily the school permitted girls to wear trousers. Still, some of the girls wore skirts just above their knees. Debbie would never wear a skirt to school as she hated the shape of her legs. To her they were skinny, not shapely. Not like the girls in the magazines, or Wendy’s. Debbie knew this was due to Wendy’s height, as she stood a few inches taller than her. A few inches made a huge difference when it came to the way their legs looked.
Since they gained height, they had not realised how much smaller the new first years were. It dawned on her, how they would soon be in the fourth year of high school and the responsibility of choosing their GCSE’s loomed.
“You know,” Wendy began, “You’ll have to stop daydreaming, and come and live in the real world,” she said, shaking her head. Her blonde hair swished side to side like in the movies.
To Debbie Wendy’s hair was perfect, unlike her own boring brown hair, she hated it. It never seemed to shine or go the way she wanted it, it had a life of it’s own. At least that is what she told herself.
“One of these days you’ll get caught daydreaming, and I won’t be there to help you,” Wendy stated.
Debbie rolled her eyes. True, but I’ll get my man one day, you just wait and see. Who’ll be laughing then, me that’s who, Debbie thought as she bent down, tucked her hair behind her ear as she picked up her bag.
A smile spread across her lips as she adjusted the bag on her knees. She delved inside it, looking for her oval mirror. Upon finding it, Debbie flipped it open and peered at her face. She held it up double-checking for spots. Satisfied, she closed it and slipped it back in her bag, hoping no one had seen her. When someone called out at her from across the room she knew someone had witnessed her spot check.
“You know, if I were you, I wouldn’t look in that mirror too long you might just crack it,” Karen Langley snorted.
Karen’s cronies sat behind her and giggled as she cupped her hand and pretended to check herself out, imitating Debbie’s actions.
“Karen,” Debbie tutted as she turned to face Karen. The girl was pretty, with hair Debbie would die for, but the girl was a downright thug. Karen continued to mimic her as Debbie caught sight of the redness on the end
Answer:
you do have talent,
a little slow moving for me,
I like a stronger hook and
more action right away.
good luck : )
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I LIKE IT.
Send me more chapters?
It's good but not my type of book. Good description and all that though.
You are doing very, very well in your writing. I love it! It is very well written and I'd defiantly want to read more. Keep up the good work!
Good luck with your writing!
~Horseguess~
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