I have not been away from the television, except to go to the fridge, in a week. I have been ignoring my phone calls. Just because I haven’t been outside, does not mean I do not know what people are saying. They think I have lost it. I think they are right. I never go to bed, and even though I sleep on the couch, I do so until three or four in the after noon. Why do I act like this, you ask?
Follow me. I will take you on a ride back in time. About a month ago, on a seemingly normal day, I was at work dealing with the snobs that come in to be waited on like they are kings. Everything was going well. I was picking up tips that averaged forty percent, and I had not spilled anything yet. Little did I know that I was being framed for stealing from the cash registers when my bosses were not around. Jerry, my trainer and the only person I had come to trust at work, had hid the keys to the register in my locker. Then he did the honest thing and tipped my boss off as to their location.
My boss flipped out. He fired me and that was the beginning of a long, long day. On the way home, no, on the way to my car I noticed it was missing something. Upon closer inspection I discovered that the missing element of my car was its wheels. I called the towing company and went home, on foot. It took me an hour and a half to get home and I still got home early. This only made my day worse. There were two cars in the drive way. One was my wife’s, the other should have been mine. However, I knew it was not. The mystery car in my drive way had wheels.
As I walk up the driveway thinking only of the what I would find inside, I had a strange feeling of familiarity. I put my key in the door only to find out it was already unlocked. I heard the screams and the bumping sound coming from the second floor, right about where my bedroom is. I realized it was my lawyers car in the driveway. I took off sprinting up the stairs. I reached the door and swung it open. Just as I suspected, my wife and kids had abandoned me. They were having a pillow fight without me.
My hugely blown out of proportion episode is how I wound up where I am today. We divorced and she took the kids. She also got our car, but when they caught the guy who stole the wheels on that fateful day, I got to keep the wheels. Luckily she didn’t want the house after we found out we had termites, so I got that as well. All these things caused me to become useless, and unkempt. Moral of the story is “get an office with a view of the street, or plan on ending up like me.”
http://www.sitesthatdontwork.com is the product of two friends’ boredom about a week ago. We decided there needed to be a site that could provide working alternatives to broken sites. Then, we decided it needed to be fun, too.
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