The clichés are almost too numerable to list, but I shall try anyway.
Did you know that marriage was the single biggest contributor to divorce in this country? We are told as a society that 1 in 2 marriages end in acrimony, whilst the other half simply tolerates it. Beware the pitfalls, our fathers told us, it all goes downhill once she’s got the ring on her finger. Married for 20 years? You don’t even get that for murder these days. And so on and so forth.
However, speaking as genuinely happily married man (whose wife is currently peering at the laptop screen), I can confirm that much of this is nonsense, birthed out of purely subjective experience and hearsay. Now a veritable veteran of the nuptial stakes, it seems to me that single biggest obstacle to married bliss is the roller coaster ride of the first year, the almost mythical epoch where a relationship can falter so drastically. Many feelings develop during this 12-month period, ranging from restlessness, resentment to the strangest sense of being penniless. This is not a reflection of your relationship, more a phenomenon caused by the sudden shift in its status. Below are 3 crucial tips that will ensure all men keep their relationship happy and their sanity in good working order.
Respect the terms of your marriage.
Like any contract, it is only ethical to respect its terms. The most natural feeling as you return from the sun kissed bliss of your honeymoon is a strange sense of anti-climax, almost emptiness with nothing immediate to plan for and the weight of stress lifted from your shoulders. It is tempting to solve this by indulging every hedonistic urge possible and compensating for the 18 months spent previously living on rations of tinned food and selling random furniture to finance the wedding of her dreams. Of course, speaking as a man it is tempting to solve all issues like this, but this does not make it right. Most importantly, if you do decide to embark on a 3-day bender that involves international travel and an encounter with foreign customs officers, then at least invite her. She undoubtedly will feel as lost as you do. Remember the vows, remember the emotion of the day, and remember that her Mom will beat you senseless if you step out of line.
Future plans and speculating to accumulating.
With the previous in mind, plan a small holiday together for a few months after your return. True, this will probably require a small loan and bring your total debt in line with that of the Ukraine, but after all, money is merely the source with which we fund our happiness. Planning something together may well be the thing that caused the problems in the first place, but it can also be a breathtakingly simple solution. A chance to spend time together, and recall the glorious memories of tropical climbs before they fade to a grey canvas. Of course, a holiday is not the only option. Perhaps rambling, poetry reading, even a weekend spent watching back-to-back Bond films. It really can be anything, as long as it’s hushed, romantic and time spent together.
And finally, please look after your body. No matter how big it gets.
Why is it appealing, once the band adorns the finger, to neglect the Adonis like body that won us the girl in the first instance and eat and drink ourselves into a full sized version of Ric Waller? Personally, it is not, but to some of my fellow men folk it seems the only option. I can honestly say that I am in better shape now than before I got married, and I have the pictures to prove it. So continue to venture to the gym, keep up the exercise and, my own personal advice, if you are going to drink yourself into a near coma then abuse spirits, not beer. It is much easier on the figure. Again, this does not apply to our wives as they remain gorgeous throughout. (Yes, she is still watching the laptop screen).
These 3 things, harnessed with a healthy portion of luck and her endless supply of her forgiveness, can maybe keep your relationship afloat during the first year of wedlock. Remember a marriage requires love, trust but also tangible things too, such as honesty, hard work and most crucially, consideration the other. And, if it still falls down around your ears, you can always just blame the in laws.
I write freelance in my spare time and have nearly 70 publications of fiction and non fiction. I like sports and social journalism. I have 2 websites, a showcase of my work www.aworkoffiction.net and personalised writing site at www.withlovetoyou.com
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