Children who have temper tantrums can make home life miserable. Many of us have lived this hell. Throw in some screaming and drama, and you see your child suffering it can be too much!
I am a licensed psychologist and parenting expert. I have helped hundred of moms and dads to rid themselves of their child’s outbursts. I have shown them unique methods that everyone can use. These techniques stop temper tantrums from making your home a constant battle zone.
Not all tantrums are the same. Some tantrums are a piece of cake. With a bit of whining, and few stomping moments and then the child temper tantrum is gone naturally. We think of these as typical tantrums, and almost no one seeks help for these tantrums. The struggles really start when your child’s tantrums go on for (what seems like) hours, and can become physical and scary. If you see these becoming more frequent, you can really feel like it’s a constant fight.
And then, of course, there are types of temper tantrums in between those extremes.
The best way of dealing with these different types of tantrums is to try to understand what is causing them. There are a few triggers that we see over and over again. Let’s take a look at some of them now:
MOM, HOLD ME PLEASE!
The reason that the “Mom, Hold Me Please!” Temper Tantrum Trigger is one of the most difficult to deal with is that it plays on your emotions. When your child is reaching out for love and attention, it can take all of your reserves of willpower not to respond with kindness.
Yet, some of us have experienced that when we do not respond, our children produce a full-blown, off the wall temper tantrum.
What we need to understand about this temper tantrum trigger is just this we need to teach our children how to soothe themselves. Sometimes we simply cannot pick them up and give them a hug. They need to be able to calm themselves down so that they don’t spin off in to a temper tantrum. They must realize that they can’t always rely solely on mom or dad for their emotional comfort.
Before long you will start to get a feel for the reasons behind the “Mom, Give Me A Cuddle!” temper tantrum. Once you understand what is motivating the outburst you will be able to steer your child away from the temper tantrums.
MOM, DO I HAVE TO?
The ‘MOM, DO I HAVE TO?’ Temper Tantrum Trigger is one that we see over and over again. It is what happens in those situations where you want your child to cease doing something that they take pleasure in. When you ask them they think, “Mom, I don’t want to,” and hope that a tantrum might change your mind.
It could just be that you would rather that they did something else. It could be that you have to be somewhere else right now. Or maybe their manners leave something to be desired. The reason behind it isn’t important. Your motivation for asking them to stop isn’t relevant.
The vital temper tantrum trigger we see in this situation is that, in your child’s way of seeing things, they would prefer to have things exactly how they want them to be!
If we are going to be successful at stopping this type of temper tantrum then your child will have to learn to accept change as a fact of lifeeven if they don’t want it to be that way! This requires that you get some specific parenting tools for handling these triggers!
MOM, FIX IT FOR ME!
Another big motivator of temper tantrums is the ‘MOM, PLEASE FIX IT!’ Temper Tantrum Trigger. As children grow up, they start to learn that the things that used to work for them — have now stopped working. This realization can end in mega temper tantrums.
They could have found themselves with younger brothers and sisters. Or have they found out what happens to their much-loved doll when they stamp on it by mistake? It could just be that they spilled their fruit juice.
Why is it that all of these different situations wind up with you dealing with a temper tantrum?
It’s because the child’s primary motivation is to get mom or dad to fix the situation. If that doesn’t happen then it’s likely that you will see yet another temper tantrum.IF they have not yet learned to accept disappointment.
As the months go by, it is a big mistake for you deal with a temper tantrum by keeping on fixing things in every situation. Your children will then think that throwing a temper tantrum is they way to get you to fix things.
The thing to take away from this is sometimes it is okay to put things right for your children. But, be wary about putting things right ONLY BECAUSE they have thrown a tantrum to get you to do that.
I suppose the one clear point that you need to understand here is that
Children will sort out any upsets – without your help!
In fact, they must handle their upsets on their own! If we fail to see this then we will never know when to stop helping them. And, if we never stop helping them, then they will never learn to help themselves. We end up comforting them over and over again. We always try to make everything right. But, all we will actually achieve is to end up living in a world of escalating tantrums.
Put the calendar forward a few years. Now your temper tantrum toddler has turned into a temper tantrum adolescent.
There is a simple way out of these temper tantrums and that is to understand the motivation behind them. We also must learn to trust in the fundamental strength behind our children s emotional upsets. We can then believe in the fact that they can handle their upsets themselves.
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