Children who have temper tantrums can make their parent’s lives a living hell. And that’s over and above the emotional and sometimes physical harm that they are doing to themselves with these temper tantrums.
As a psychologist and parenting expert, I have helped hundreds of moms and dads to stop their kid’s temper tantrums. With the powerful methods I teach, you can end temper tantrums and bring peace home.
There are many varieties of temper tantrums. Some tantrums can almost go unnoticed. Just a little whine, a few huffs and puffs, maybe the odd four letter word – and then the temper tantrum burns itself out. This sort of tantrum is quite easy to forget about. The troubles really start, though, when the temper tantrum goes on and on and becomes more violent with each passing minute.
And then, of course, there are types of temper tantrums in between those extremes.
The critical first step is to forget all the about the amount of drama in your toddler’s tantrums, and get started learning what triggers are making your life miserable. Here are a few triggers to keep in mind:
MOM, WILL YOU HOLD ME?
The “Mom, Will You Hold Me” Temper Tantrum Trigger can really pluck your heartstrings. How can you refuse when your child is looking for some love and attention from you? Sometimes you have to be a little bit stone-hearted not to respond.
It is even easier to collapse under the pressure and give them some love when you know that, if they don’t get it, you are going to have a massive temper tantrum storm on your hands.
The thing we must understand about this temper tantrum trigger is that we have to show our child how to give love to him or herself. We won’t always be there to give them a cuddle. Your child has to be able to soothe themselves sometimes – or they will never get out of the temper tantrum cycle.
Soon you will start to see what is driving the “Mom, Will You Hold Me?” temper tantrum and begin to turn things around. You will show your child how to lift themselves from the temper tantrums that they wind up in.
MOM, THAT’S NOT WHAT I WANT TO DO!
The ‘MOM, DO I HAVE TO?’ Temper Tantrum Trigger is one that we see over and over again. It is what happens in those situations where you want your child to cease doing something that they take pleasure in. When you ask them they think, “Mom, I don’t want to,” and hope that a tantrum might change your mind.
There might be many reasons for you wanting them to stop. You might be on your way out to work. Or maybe their behavior isn’t appropriate for the shopping mall. Your reason for asking them to stop is nobody else concern.
The crucial temper tantrum trigger here is that, in the child’s world, they would much rather have things their own way!
It is your job as a parent to teach them that change is a simple fact of life even when they would rather have things stay as they are!
MOM, PLEASE FIX IT!
Another big motivator of temper tantrums is the ‘MOM, PLEASE FIX IT!’ Temper Tantrum Trigger. As children grow up, they start to learn that the things that used to work for them — have now stopped working. This realization can end in mega temper tantrums.
Things could have changed because you now have some new additions to the family. Maybe their favorite teddy bear’s head has been torn off. Or it might be something as simple as them accidentally kicking over their milk.
Why is it that all of these different situations wind up with you dealing with a temper tantrum?
Well, that’s because your child’s single most important motivation is to get a parent to fix the situation for them. When things don’t turn out that way you are going to see another temper tantrum. And that’s because they have not yet learned that things don’t always go their way.
You can’t – and shouldn’t even try to – always put things right for them to stop the temper tantrum. Because then your child will learn that a temper tantrum will always get you to put things right.
The thing to take away from this is sometimes it is okay to put things right for your children. But, be wary about putting things right ONLY BECAUSE they have thrown a tantrum to get you to do that.
Even when we do understand these hidden triggers, we still need to understand one further important part of your child’s development
Children will sort out any upsets – without your help!
More than that, they will never get anywhere unless they can handle their own upsets! If your child cannot grasp this then they will never grow as a person. If we keep coming to their rescue then there is no way they will ever develop the life skills they need to solve their own problems.
So, what happens next? You guessed it! You will soon have to look after a temper tantrum teenager instead of a temper tantrum child. And, by that stage, things will probably have gone too far.
There is a simple way out of these temper tantrums and that is to understand the motivation behind them. We also must learn to trust in the fundamental strength behind our children s emotional upsets. We can then believe in the fact that they can handle their upsets themselves.
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