Hi, my name is molly and I’m 26 and I have legal guardianship of two sisters Abby (16 years old) and Alex (17 years old). Our mom died almost a year and a half ago due to cancer. And my grandparents let me have custody of my sisters because my sister wanted to stay in the same school system and they thought I was responsible enough to handle them. And of course they help me out when needed.
My sister Abby who is currently 16 has been dating her boyfriend Brandon who is 16 for the last 2 and half years and they’re “in love”. They have been all over each other and it starting to bother me.
Brandon really is a great guy and he is really close with my family and me. When he was younger his parents died and he moved in with his elderly grandmother who lived next door to me. I use to baby-sit him everyday after his parents death and we formed a strong bond and I look to him as a little brother and I he looks up as a sister/mother figure, my family is basically his family for the last 8 years, we’re the only people he really has. And he has told me so many times that I’m one of the only people he completely trusts. Hes my little brother blood or no blood i love him.
But like I said before Brandon and Abby have been pushing it. They obviously have a physical attraction to one another. They are always displaying their affection when other people are around. I know that they aren’t have sex, because I know Brandon and I know my Abby and I would be able to tell. It might be a sister thing but I just know they aren’t. and I’ve had the talk with both them telling them about protection and everything like that. About a month ago Abby and Brandon walked in on me and my fiancé having sex the living room. ( we thought we had the house to ourselves for the night) and since then they been trying to spite me by really turning up the sexual stuff while I’m around, using the excuse, “well you and your boyfriend do it, why not us”
But the boiling point came last week while we were having a family dinner with all of my relatives. Abby and Brandon where playing a “sex” game were she basically was flashing him and touching her inappropriate places. Luckily no saw her do. But I’m just was and still am so embarrassed. I sat down with Abby and she told me they were just fooling around. And when I talked to Brandon he said pretty much the same thing. I told them both to cool it down. But it didn’t help, the next day I was watching them from a far, and I noticed that soon as they noticed I was in the room they started making out and she even took her bra off right in front of me acting like I wasn’t their even when they knew I was in the room.
They did the same thing two days in a row til I just snapped. I told Abby that she was acting like a slut and I went on a rant about it, then I told Brandon off, telling him how I thought he had no backbone and I mentioned something he told me in confidence and I went on and on. I just couldn’t stop myself, it was pent up frustration let out. Of course they were/are pissed. My sister broke down in tears and Brandon told me that he hated me and said I was a horrible sister, so in anger I told him that he wasn’t family. Now neither one of them will talk to me. I tried to apologize but I’ve had no luck. My other sister Alex is the only one either of them will talk to. She told me that Abby is heartbroken over me calling her a slut and using other hurtful words and she told that Brandon feel like I betrayed his trust and wants nothing to ever do with me.
I feel like a horrible guardian and big sister. I just want my relationship with both of them to be mended. I feel terrible that I might have crushed Brandon a person who adores and looks up to me. What do I do to make things better? And also what should I be doing to have more control of the PDA? Is it normal what they are doing to mess with me/spite me because they saw me and my fiancé having sex? Any advice would be helpful
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I would put your sister on b/c stat, you saying you know they're not having sex, yeah right…Be responsible and get your sis on an IUD or the implant Implanon ASAP or you'll be an auntie before you know it. As for how to handle it? Their acting like typical teens, the more you tell them not to do it the more they will rebel. Just because your an older sis makes no difference, your still an authority figure and because of that anything you tell them not to do will fall on deaf ears. Personally i would ground the sister for her behavior and i would restrict how much he is allowed to visit and spend time with your sister to teach her that inappropriate behavior is not allowed.
Also Lyar makes a good point your the adult here and it's time to start acting like one. You can't be your sisters friend and her authority figure it doesnt work that way. Your either one or the other. If you feel you can't handle that task then perhaps it would be wise to hand your sister back to your grandparents for parenting while you remain just the sister.
Make it up to them and take them out to some nice family time. Have a good talk and apologize (teenagers also need to realize that just because someone's older doesn't mean s/he can't make mistakes).
Sad to say you can't stop hormonal teenagers. After you're all peaceful again, the best thing you can do is breathe and hand them condoms and be cool about sex-ed and try not to look judgmental in the least. I mean, teenagers think they know everything and they hate it when they get banned from doing so-and-so. Maybe take turns having the house to yourselves. Like an Abby-Brandon night on certain days and a you-fiancee night or something. I don't know. Hope this helps.
Good luck.
OK to start with you messed up in front of them, so they kind of got the idea that it's ok to have sex. But of course they are teenagers and you have to set up your own rules, you are the adult here. You shouldn't care if you hurt that young boy he has to understand he has to respect you and your sister. Your sister needs to show that she is mature enough to be having sex. You set the rules remember? You are the adult! If you think you need extra help, talk to a counselor or a therapist. There has to be limits set. Good luck.
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