It is confusing, this soul mate business. We can barely get right a regular, average relationship; never mind a relationship with a person so special you would call a soul mate. The problem begins with our misconception of what a soul mate is. It is not about the one person who will make me happy because they provide what I want. It is not about that one amazing and awesome person who will miraculously change my life. No one can change anyone’s life. I am the only one who can truly change my life.
A soul mate is that one person who makes you miserable and happy at the same time. Miserable not because they are bad, and happy not because they provide you with the most incredible sex ever. No. Miserable and happy at the same time because they show you exactly who you are; somehow, without them even knowing it, they throw in your face what challenges and annoys you the most, and yet leave you begging for even a glance or a moment of conversation. They challenge you like no other person can, yet you find yourself not wanting to live without them.
This person is your reflection. A soul mate is your reflection. A reflection, because a soul mate displays to you on a silver platter, clearly and openly, your fears.
No body wants to face their fears. We avoid them like we would avoid a ferociously stubborn plague. Except for this one person. For her, I will face my worst fears. For her I will do what I would not do for anyone else. If you can actually go there, not just say it, but really go there, then there is a chance you are in the company of your soul mate.
Most of us are probably not there. So do we sit and wait. Of course not. First, as discussed in Part I, get into the habit of putting others before you, this will by definition help you become less concerned about yourself. You achieve this, and it is achievable, consider it a nice miracle and gift. Second, do things that scare you. Jump off a plane. Ask a person out you ordinarily would not. Tell jokes… things that come across to you as stupid or scary or embarrassing. Do them. Do something like this once a week. Be open to this idea, facing fears is tricky because we play games with ourselves, we make up excuses and at the same time we adamantly hide from ourselves that we are making up excuses. Doing things that scare you over time will help you see the difference between a person you like and your soul mate, a person who makes you happy versus a person who shows you your reflection.
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